Cry do not cry, but if in response to the words "I love you!" the polite and indifferent "Thank you" sounds, you should not count on relationships.
Unrequited love can do a lot of trouble, so you need to get rid of it as quickly as possible.
How to get rid of unrequited love: start with a reason
You need to start with the unpleasant: find the reason. You can convince yourself for a long time that your feeling is a gift from above, you were destined for each other and if it weren’t for another, then everything would have been different ... A mess of completely unnecessary excuses and conditions that hide the sad truth: the problem is not in it not in his environment, but in you.
This is what most often lies behind unrequited love.
• Diffidence, depreciation of one’s personality, low self-esteem. In fact, the girl subconsciously does not consider herself worthy of a chosen one and a priori agrees that his current companion (or wife) is better in every way: more beautiful, smarter, more interesting, brighter. Unable to love herself, the sufferer is ready to justify neglect. The dislike of the chosen one, his inaccessibility confirm the subconscious attitude to himself as to the insignificance that deserves it.
• Victim position. The sad truth is that sacrificing your life for the sake of mythical love is a crime against yourself. No man is worth inventing fairy tales about high feelings and worshiping his idol from afar. It is very convenient, of course, to be a victim on whom nothing depends, and it is sweet to suffer from unhappy love, not trying to get rid of unrequited love and the article of the hostess of his fate. But for those around, such a position would not cause pity, but contempt and bewilderment. Want to pity yourself further?
• The need for strong feelings as an energy boost. Yes, energy can be obtained not only from positive. Negativity is a much faster way to get a great emotional experience. Only if you need to make some efforts to obtain positive energy, then the negative does not require any physical energy consumption. Think, maybe, suffering, crying and committing frenzy, you are charged from the "negative battery"?
• Human loneliness. It often happens that the object of love becomes the first person to come across, most often a classmate or work colleague who could theoretically become a partner. Frequent stay together, a drop of purely human interest on his part can cause unreasonable hopes in a lonely girl. The rest will be completed by a rich female imagination and the absence of a real partner. Do not have time to look back - and now you are completely and hopelessly in love.
• Parental authority and distorted family model. Children love children unconditionally, so if a girl gets an indifferent father who does not pay attention to her, she can devote her whole life to finding a partner similar to him. An unplayed situation can cripple life, repeating itself over and over. To get out of the vicious circle of the recurring scenario and get rid of unrequited love, the help of a good gestalt therapist is required.
How to get rid of unrequited love: simple tips
A painful feeling of hopelessness from love that has not found reciprocity turns life into a series of meaningless, dreary days. Two options are possible:
• the girl was close with her lover, and he stopped loving her;
• the subject of suffering is unaware of anything.
The worst thing in the first situation is hope and senseless attempts to "fix everything and restore feelings." It can be crazy phone calls (often flavored with alcohol), intrusive attention, an attempt to put pressure on an ex-husband or partner, to blackmail him. Hysterics cannot fix anything, so the first thing that will literally have to be strangled in order to get rid of unrequited love is hope. She dies very hard, so you have to put together all the will that can only be found in a wounded soul.
Blackmail and tears have never brought about anything other than love — a man’s simple sympathy. Yes, he may be sorry for you, but not more than a few days. Pity will quickly turn into hostility and annoyance. Therefore, one must begin by accepting the loss of love as an accomplished act. Nothing can be done about it, and the point is not that you are ugly, not smart enough, do not have the necessary parameters of the figure. He just doesn't love you anymore.
To get rid of unrequited love, you need to abruptly and decisively break off all relations so that there is no reason to hope for a return of relations. Delete all contacts, throw away all things reminiscent of the past, refuse to meet with mutual friends, no matter how difficult. Although close friends who were familiar with him can help. They can and should be asked for help, support. Who, if not relatives and friends, will help to survive the first burst of grief, wipe away tears, regret and not let you become depressed?
Remember: Your problem is not special. The situation is familiar to millions of people. Moreover, rarely today is a person who has not survived the collapse of love hopes. No matter how cynical it sounds, there really are a lot of men in the world: one has disappeared - the other will not slow down to appear.
And one moment. You need to realize that your love is a strong psychological dependence, akin to alcohol or drugs. It takes time to make the body forget about the usual dose of positive energy that the relationship gave you. It will be very difficult, but breaking can be experienced. All that you see good in the past that you remember about, bursting into tears, is idealization. It is worth saving the veil of invented virtues, and the former will appear as a completely ordinary man who is easy to find a replacement.
You can try to symbolically break the connection. For example, write about your experiences on paper. Pour all the bitterness, anger, pain, and then destroy them in a cleansing fire. Well, or tear to pieces and dispel in the wind. The method of radical forgiveness Colin Tipping, described in the book of the same name, helps to cope with emotions very well.
What to do and how to get rid of unrequited love, if the chosen one does not suspect anything? Again, there are two options: to admit or try to get rid of an obsessive feeling. If he is married or not free, it is hardly necessary to burden the beloved with his sufferings. That's what psychologists advise.
• Find negative (funny, unworthy) traits in the chosen one. Sometimes little things are enough to make romantic nonsense disappear without a trace. For example, you can be the first to write to him on social networks. Having started communicating, you may be surprised to find a gigantic cultural gulf between you or to learn about the negative traits of a person whom you, in general, do not know.
• Switch the degree of attention from thinking about unhappy love to something else, that is, as much as possible to occupy yourself with some interesting thing. Only really interesting and demanding emotional, time-consuming. It is very good if, in addition, a hobby will have a positive effect on appearance and figure. Rather than wasting time and nerves on an indifferent stranger, it is better to spend it on yourself, improve your appearance, figure, increase your self-esteem, and at the same time get rid of unrequited love.
• Find the advantages in this situation. Believe me, they are! The same hobby that was already discussed. Or the brightness of the experiences that you experience. Believe me, love is a precious gift in terms of emotions. Many middle-aged people dream of experiencing strong feelings again. Or another point: love makes us work on ourselves: to change our appearance, lifestyle, it becomes better to like the chosen one. Lose weight, finally! If you do not focus on the negative, such a development is a definite plus.
• Fill life with new people. Communication is a luxurious gift that cannot be denied. There are so many people around who are interested in the same thing as you. Moreover, the Internet provides truly unlimited communication opportunities.
• Learn (force yourself, in the end) to think positively. Create life-affirming affirmations and repeat them in the morning, after waking up, day and evening. Work on yourself. There is simply no other way out.
How to get rid of unrequited love: why hope is meaningless
There is nothing more destructive than hoping for the return of former love or the emergence of sudden interest on the part of the subject of his adoration. If he does not pay attention to you, then you are not interested in him. Of course, you can try to open your feelings, but only if you are aware of the consequences and are confident in the decency of a man.
Often, girls, unable to break a strong emotional attachment, begin to live with hopes for the future. This is destructive, since non-viable relationships occupy the place where a new or real feeling could arise.
Invented or unrequited love is an idealization beyond which a real person is not visible. To get rid of unrequited love, you need to accept yourself for who you are and love. Remember that you have nothing more valuable, beloved and dear than you yourself.
